Monday, 19 November 2012

Domestic Violence - My Story


Hello ladies!

I wanted to post and I didn't know what to post about and from time to time I suppose its good to post about something that's closer to home, rather than shoving pretty things in your face all the time, because life isn't pretty all the time......

Not many people tend to touch on the subject of domestic violence as it can be upsetting as well as something you would rather forget, but today I think its time I spoke about a chapter in my life so that I can close it once and for all and hopefully help anyone else out there that might have been or is in a situation like I was.

Many of you may look at my tweets or look at my pictures on Instagram and think that im just a bubbly and happy person, well I am probably as happy as I'm going to be for the moment but I wasn't always like that.

Nearly 3 years ago now, I broke off a 9 year relationship with the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Not because he didn't pick his boxers up off the floor, or because he would forget to wash up after himself from time to time but because he hit me.......

You know when you reminisce about amazing moments you might of had in your life and in that second you can picture everything, down to the clothes you were wearing. Well I can picture the first time he hit me like it was yesterday. I was only 18 at the time, and the reason he felt like he could slap me across my face was because a friend of mine had used a boys phone to call me, and the boy had called me back because he didn't know she had used his phone and didn't recognise the number.  The first time I was shocked, my own mother had never even slapped me! ( well apart from the occasion ass tap when I was a kid ), I kind of just walked into our bedroom and shut the door. You can probably guess what happened 20 minutes later..... oh of course he said he was sorry, and that he wouldn't do it again. Being a young girl in love of course I believed him.

Fast forward a few weeks, a few months a few years.... kept on hitting me but things got worse, but by this time he added verbal abuse into the mist, calling me things like fat and ugly, wishing rape upon me whenever I would go to work. By the time I was 20, I couldn't look 'up' in public if I was with him, because if a guy walked past me, I would be accused of looking at them....even if they looked like an extra from gremlins!

For a good chunk of time I kept quiet. Then eventually I started to confined in my friends and family. Of course when my mum found out she went BURZUURRRK! 

There were times when I listened to the people that loved me, which gave me strength to leave him and there were time when I listened to the one person that was supposed to love me, I listened to him say sorry, I listened to him cry and tell me over and over he would never do it again, I listened too much. It was almost like I was sleeping through this nightmare and I couldn't wake up.

But there was this one day, I was about 22. He dragged me by the hair and threw me on the bed, he then wrapped his hands around my neck and just kept squeezing and squeezing, its like the moment I couldn't breath was the moment I woke up. I managed to get free by digging my nails into his arms and and screaming loud enough for him to leave my house. It shouldn't have taken him to wrap his hands around my neck for me to realise he could potentially kill me one day. The countless times I called police and never pressed charges and the times I cried to my friends and family then took him back, are times I wish I could go back to and change. 

If anyone saw us out in public you would think we were the perfect couple, truth is I was in love with a monster, someone that would take his problems out on me whether it was verbal or physical, just to make himself feel better. There are people in the world that have probably gone through so much more than I have, but suffering for 7years out of 9 was something I should have never settled for. 

No matter how old you are, please don't sit down and suffer in silence. Listen to your loved ones, because its people on the outside that often see what's best for you.

3 years on and so much has changed, I'm in a happy place now, Id go as far as to say its amazing!  I have someone that really loves me, someone that calls me beautiful every single day, someone that never wants to see me cry, someone that's there for me when ever I need him. This is what we all deserve, you only have one life, don't waste it on people that do nothing but abuse it. 

Silence hides Violence... don't keep quiet.

This is probably one of the hardest things I have ever written, and even though I haven't gone into extensive depth, I hope it helps someone or shines some light on the subject in hand.

Thank you for reading
.x

47 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing, I know just small contribution in form of writing may not feel like you are doing a lot but somewhere out there a young girl will read this and it will change her life.

    You are a strong and beautiful person! keep looking up, only good things will come to you!

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  2. This gave me shivers through my whole body. You're a very strong, beautiful lady. I wish you the happiest future possible!xxx

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  3. Oh wow..you are so brave for sharing this and it's so true that you never know the story behind the photos and the tweets, they don't give an insight into a person's true reality at all.

    I've had the pleasure of meeting you and exchanging a lot of laughs over the past couple of years and you are beautiful both inside and out. I know it's easier said than done, but you can't allow that animal to thwart your self-esteem anymore. One day you'll look in the mirror and won't hear his voice again.

    I'm so pleased you built up the courage and strength to walk away from that damaging relationship as nobody deserves to be treated that way. You made that decision, not just for you, but also for Leah's wellbeing too and I can only imagine how hard it must have been to walk away. I'm glad you've found happiness and have learnt to trust again and I pray that continues for you.

    I've got a huge amount of respect for you, for sharing such a personal experience and I hope it helps someone in a similar situation to speak out and get themselves help.

    *hugs hugs* xxx

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    1. Thank you yink, p.s we need to catch up.xxx

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    2. I know right! Whatsapping you now LOL

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  4. Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad you were able to get away, and move forward to a happier, healthier place. I hope your strength and courage gives someone else that push to leave an unhealthy, abusive relationship. God bless you, and everyone who is going through (or has gone through) this.

    Take care.
    Xx
    http://ThisIsTia.com | My Life In Black+White

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  5. Oh Michelle, heartbreaking. You are so strong to share your story. I am so happy you are in a good place now with someone who deserves your love. xx

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  6. It's amazing that you chose to write this post to help others, love your blog!

    x,
    www.nida-malik.blogspot.co.uk

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  7. Thank you for writing this. 6 years ago, I broke up with my ex after 5 years of domestic violence. Your story sounds so much like mine & it took me many years to recover from the mental abuse. I am now happily married to a man that has never even raised his voice to me. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here. <3

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    Replies
    1. Aww thank you and If you ever need to talk im here.x

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  8. You're a very brave person to share this, but this will help so many.

    Xx
    http://thegirltheblogandthewardrobe.blogspot.co.uk/

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  9. This is such an inspirational post that will help many many people. Well done for having the courage to not only wrote this post but leave the guy, and I am truly happy for your wonderful new relationship. Xo

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  10. I don't know where to start but to say your beautiful, courageous and just amazing for sharing this personal part of ur life with ur readers. It can't have been easy for u. I'm glad u found someone to make u smile :)

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  11. This was the most beautiful thing I have read today, it really is people like you that change my perspective on life and people altogether and I can't thank you enough for sharing your story. I hope you get all the happiness you deserve and then even more Xx

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  12. You are so brave to share this, I know from personal experience how hard it is to talk about something horrible that's marked your past, albeit my situation was different. I'm not going to assume anything, but if this was like me you probably felt some relief from being able to write openly about it. it's fantastic when people have the courage to share things like this as you never know, it may help someone gain the courage to stand up for themselves, well done xx

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  13. You're so brave to post about this!

    My sister's going through something similar.. Even her boyfriend's parents have beaten her up and no matter what she runs back to him. My mum's a police officer which makes it so hard for us to know it's happening but because she won't press charges nothing can be done! It's horrible!

    It's great that you managed to summon the courage to leave him, it must have been so hard! It's amazing that you've able to overcome such a horrible part of your life and now you have to remember that no matter what happens in life, you were strong enough to do that, you're strong enough to do anything!xx

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  14. I'm really sorry this happened to you, but really happy that you had the courage to get up and leave, even if it took a while. So happy that you're in a better place, well done for writing it down, it will help people x

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  15. Glad to hear you got out of that situation and have found someone who deserves to be with you. You are very brave for sharing this story and it's true we do not know what's going on in a persons life just by looking at Instagram pics or blog posts. xx

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  16. Thank you for having the courage to share your story and was able to get out of that situation, i know from a personal experience how hard it is to get out.

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  17. I think you're incredibly brave for writing so open and honestly about such a horrific experience. I admire your courage and bravery to speak out & I think what you've said will be incredibly helpful to all those reading even if they're not in similar situations. You've inflicted a sense of power and courage and that's so important. Thank you xxx

    www.hannahsbow.co.uk

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  18. so inspirational. thank you xx

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  19. Thank you for sharing this story, so brave and courages of you.. am so proud of how far you've become x

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  20. Hi. I am so sorry to hear this. But I commend you for your courage to share your story. I think you just touched a lot of people.

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  21. This is so touching, I had tears running from my eyes reading this. It's a tough subject to talk about so you're really brace for doing it! You're a strong and beautiful woman who deserves the world x

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  22. It must have been hard for you to decide to share this and you'll probably look back at it and cringe at some point,(sometimes happens when blogging about personal stuff) but well done, you've reached out and probably helped some other young girl to be brave and do what has to be done. xxx

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  23. That was like reading a chapter of my own life.. it is so so similar to what I went through. I'm still now over it 2 years later and it affects parts of my life constantly and I don't know how it will ever stop. Thank you for speaking about this
    Lucy
    xxx

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  24. Wow...you are so brave to share your story. Your strength is what made you the strong woman you are today and hopefully your experiences will help others realize that they need to get out of such an abusive relationship. I am sorry for all that you went through and happy you are no content and listened to your loved ones. xoxo

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  25. You are so brave. Thank you for posting this and sharing your experiences with us.
    I have too, seen what domestic violence does, a family member went through it. It's horrible, I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

    thank you again, and I'm happy that you're in a good place now.

    xx

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  26. I really commend for being so real... It takes a strong person to speak about something so private. It makes me think about my own life and how things that seem so devastating are actually not so bad. It gives you great perspective.

    All the best in your relationship and endeavours.. Stay positive

    :)

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  27. It must have being really hard to write this post! You're so brave. Glad to hear you're in a new relationship and happy xxx

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  28. I'm glad you got out of this relationship and realized your worth. Not many young women have the strength and support system to walk away from something that's detrimental to themselves and their family. I'm extremely content you're with someone who actually appreciates you and makes you feel like you're the most important person in the world.

    xoxo
    Linny Justice

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  29. Amazing post, thank you for sharing and glad to hear you're in a better place now x

    www.perfectlyrandomblog.blogspot.com

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  30. I'm so happy that you got out of that relationship! Guys who hit women are the lowest kinds of scum to walk this earth. I can't even begin to imagine what triggers them to do that, except for their own self-loath. It's disgusting. Keep your head high, girl! You're amazing! Let the world know :)

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  31. This makes me want to cry! I'm so glad you got yourself out of it and he can no longer put his hands on you. I dont think you understand the level of hate i have for men who beat women, I wish nothing but death on them. If he happens to see you again i'm sure he'd be pissed that he didnt know how to treat you right as he sees you in a happy stable relationship with someone else.

    You're amazing and a great role model for your little girl, keep your head up gorgeous!!

    xxx

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  32. I went through something similar, however, the abuse came right at the end of the relationship. He has scarred me for life. But day by day I am getting better , the more i talk about it and express it the better I get.
    Thanks for being brave and writing about this

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  33. My first husband smacked me on the nose, I have a nose surgery so I bled instantly even though its not a big blow. I left him eventually and got married after a year to a very loving husband. I am so happy I had the heart to step out of my first marriage after that single incident. Very good post! Tha

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  34. Well done on sharing your story.

    Yep, been there too. Taken me around 4 years to feel "over" it, but of course the emotional scars will always be there. Sometimes, it almost seems like it didn't happen...which of course is what my ex-husband of 13 years would have me believe. We have 2 kids together and he doesn't abuse them...but I can still see his controlling behaviour towards them. They love him and want to spend time with him, apart from his odd emotional outbursts they think he's great.

    He of course considers himself the victim in this, he won't speak to me in person or my boyfriend of 3 years who has been living with myself and the boys for over a year. He can't forgive me for breaking up his family. Complete self denial. He portrays himself as a victim in all this.

    My goal is to work with victims of domestic abuse, starting with volunteering and pursuing the right qualifications. It will be hard work to completely change my career path in my 40s but I need to help.

    I'm better now and I've mostly forgiven....but it's important not to forget.

    You're a brave girl and deserve to live a great life!

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  35. Just found your blog today, amazing post, thanks for sharing. Glad you're in a better place now.

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  36. Thank you for sharing this with the whole world! Your story is really inspiring. I hope many young women would find strength and courage after reading your story. :-)

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  37. You are honestly one of the most gorgeous girls I've ever seen ! Please don't let his voice inside your head be heard anymore :( Thanks for sharing . You deserve the best !!!

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  38. Wow, thank you for sharing this story with us. It really was heart rending to read and I'm so glad you found the courage to leave and now you're so happy. Very inspirational. It just shows it can happen to anyone at any age not just when you're older x

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  39. you're an amazing person, you're strength is so touching and you're so brave for sharing this with people who may be going through the same thing I commend you for that!
    xxxx

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  40. This bought a tear to my eye. Absolutely beautiful to see how you've come out the other side and grown as a person. You're an inspiration and continue to shine like the star that you are. SO COURAGEOUS - thank you for sharing this!! xx

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